facepalm

  • Bristol Live exclusive: M4 diverted via Somerset

    Steve WoodsBristol, Media, Oddities

    The London to South Wales motorway, otherwise known as the M4, runs from Chiswick in the west of London to Pont Abraham Services near Pontarddulais in Sir Gaerfyrddin (that’s Carmarthenshire for monoglots. Ed.). It passes through or close to the major towns and cities of Slough, Reading, Swindon, Bristol, Casnewydd (Newport), Caerdydd (Cardiff) Pen-y-bont ar Ogwr (Bridgend), Port Talbot and Abertawe (Swansea).

    The route of the M4
    Route of the M4. Image courtesy of Wikimedia Commons.

    Or rather it did: until a traffic report on Sunday in Bristol Live which saw road repairs move it several tens of kilometres south from South Gloucestershire, the unitary authority in which Tormarton is situated to Somerset.

    Headline reads Motorway lane shut in Somerset after road repairs 'fail to set'

    Fact checking is important when reporting the news, except it seems when one works as a Reach plc ‘journalist‘: or the newsroom atlas has inexplicably gone missing; or is non-existent.

  • Curved handles

    Steve WoodsBristol, Language, Media

    Friday’s Bristol Live/Post had a piece on an appeal to the public for information on an incident that happened a while ago in Easton. The vital part of the appeal reads as follows:

    Investigating officers have released a picture of a man, who was riding a silver road bike with curved handles, who they would like to identify in connection with the assault. They said it took place on Stapleton Road on Wednesday, August 7.

    Curved handles? Since when has a bicycle had handles, let alone curved ones.

    At first, your correspondent believed this was just another of Reach plc ‘journalists’ publicly displaying his/her ignorance of the English language, bearing in mind the fact that the correct use of terminology – le mot juste as the French would have it – is vital for comprehension and a lack of confusion on the part of the reader.

    The police press office also provided a useful picture of the suspect, plus bicycle complete with those mysterious curved handles.

    Those infamous curved handles. Image courtesy of Avon & Somerset Police.

    Anyway, your ‘umble scribe went looking for Plod’s original press release on the Avon & Somerset Police website.

    .

    The following sentence can be read therein:

    The man pictured is described as white, slim, in his 20s or 30s and has dark hair and facial hair. He is seen wearing a black Adidas hooded top and tracksuit bottoms. He is in possession of a silver road bike with curved handles {sic].

    That’s right! Those curved handles actually originated at police headquarters out at Portishead and not in Bristol’s infamous Temple Way Ministry of Truth.

    This is curious as the police allegedly require high standards from their staff as a recent advertisement for a communications officer reveals.

    You will have strong oral and written communications skills, an exceptional eye for detail…

    The use of the phrase curved handles does show that the author has written communications skills but not strong ones, whilst the lack of an exceptional eye for detail is displayed by an ignorance of the importance of the correct use of terminology.

    Words matter, except in Plod’s press room, whilst the ‘journalist’ responsible for copying and pasting the original press release should have been diligent enough to notice the original error and not repeated it, but as a former sub-editor cum media studies lecturer friend pointed out, today’s media studies student (and by implication graduates. Ed.) do not have a very high standard of English.

    Finally, hose curved handles are known to most folk outside the police press office and Bristol Live/Post as drop handlebars. 😀

  • Days out ideas. Time machine required

    Steve WoodsBristol, Language, Media, Oddities, Social Media

    When parliament rises for the summer recess, the period until it reconvenes in the autumn is traditionally known as the silly season. This time of year was traditionally when the press would scramble around desperately for something newsworthy and printable.

    This has changed somewhat in recent decades due to the emergence of the 24 hours news cycle driven by technological change, including the rise of social media.

    However, the need to find worthwhile to publish is exacerbated when the silly season also includes a public holiday, a time when the great unwashed needs to be kept amused and entertained, which brings us to a piece in today’s edition of the Bristol Post/Live.

    Headline reads 7 of the prettiest villages near Bristol to visit in 2023

    Yes, you did read the headline correctly. It does say 2024. Sadly, in this particular item, Bristol’s Reach plc local news title has not followed standard Reach procedure and included affiliate links to time machine providers in the copy, so those intent on visiting Bristol’s hinterland last year will have to go and look for their own, at least until the proofreader returns from holiday. 🙂

  • Crowdstrike and Microsoft – culprit identified

    Steve WoodsOddities, Politics, Security, Social Media, Tech

    The BBC reports that a massive IT outage is causing chaos around the world, affecting airports, railways, broadcasters and untold companies..

    Cyber-security firm CrowdStrike Holdings has admitted that the problem was caused by a dodgy update to its software which is allegedly designed to protect Microsoft Windows devices from hacking.

    At the same time, Microsoft has said it is taking “mitigation action” to deal with “the lingering impact” of the outage.

    Although Crowdstrike has admitted liability, social media had long since decided who was to blame and where.

    This is Alan Ferrier on Mastodon, who wins the prize for the best attribution of blame.

    Post reads: Anyone heard how Liz Truss's first day at Microsoft is going?

    Liz TrussThe disaster known as Mary Elizabeth Truss was ousted from her comfy job misrepresenting the long-suffering burghers of Norfolk at the 4th July election. She was recently seen at the extreme right-wing Republican National Convention in Milwaukee, where the perpetual victim, one Donald John Trump, has been anointed its presidential candidate despite his being a convicted felon 34 times over, confirmed business fraudster, document thief, adjudicated sexual predator, congenital liar, oath breaker and golf cheat.

  • Bristol Live exclusive: man given dog’s face

    Steve WoodsBristol, Language, Media, Oddities

    Cross-species organ transplants – a technique also known as xenotransplantation – are becoming more common in modern medicine.

    Such transplants usually involve pig or cow organs, but a new species has now entered the list of donor transplant species, according to today’s Bristol Live/(Evening) Post.

    Headline reads Man has face rebuilt by surgeons after it was ripped off his dog.

    However, judging from the headline the means by which the victim’s rebuilt face was provided sounds brutal, almost as if it was performed with malicious intent and without the use of anaesthetics, unless of course the author didn’t proof-read his piece adequately and failed to notice the absence of a simple two-letter preposition. 😀

  • BBC exclusive: police turn axe into firearm

    Steve WoodsLanguage, Media

    As any fool knows, there is a world of difference between edged and bladed weapons such as axes and knives which are used at arm’s length and ranged weapons used at a distance and firing projectiles such as arrows, bullets, shells and the like.

    Today’s BBC news site features a world exclusive: the Hamburg police have been able to convert an axe so it fires bullets, thus coming up with a combined edged/bladed and ranged weapon; or if that is not the case, that’s one interpretation that can be placed on the headline in the following screenshot.

    Headline - Hamburg police shoot man with axe ahead of Euros match

    If by some chance the German police have not pulled off this incredible feat, somewhere in the depths of Broadcasting House, there is likely some hapless person who fell asleep in or was absent from school English lessons or media studies lectures when the subject of ambiguity – i.e. the quality of something having more than one possible meaning – was brought up.

    To save the hapless BBC hack any future embarrassment, your ‘umble scribe suggests that she or he visits Al Jazeera’s piece on the incident to learn how to write an unambiguous headline as per the screenshot below. Note the use of the hyphen, BBC person. 😀

    Headline - German police shoot axe-wielding suspect before Euro 2024 match in Hamburg

    One final thing: the item being carried by the person shot by Hamburg police was not actually an axe, but a slate hammer* (Schieferhammer), a tool used by roofers. This was confirmed by finding a German language media report of the incident, where Schieferhammer figures prominently in the headline. The BBC was not the only British media outlet to misreport the item used by the police’s assailant; the Independent had the man attacking police with a pickaxe.

    * = Also known as a slater’s hammer. The photo below illustrates how it could be mistaken for a pickaxe (the hammer in question can just be seen in screenshot of the Al Jazeera report. Ed.). However, how the BBC managed to construe it as an axe is beyond your ‘umble scribe’s ken.

    Slate/slater's hammer

  • You couldn’t make it up!

    Steve WoodsLanguage, Media, Oddities

    Opticians chain Specsavers is rightly renowned for its advertising slogan, “Should have gone to Specsavers“, which has been applied to every bad decision ranging from one’s choice of partner to driving ability.

    Talking of the latter, yesterday’s Daily Post carries an article which combines skill behind the wheel with the aforementioned opticians, in which the driver ended before the crown court in Abertawe, which some also call Swansea, for an incident which occurred in Castell Nedd (Neath) in November last year.

    Headline - Driver knocked over elderly couple while on his way to Specsavers

    No further comment is necessary on the headline behind the story. However, your ‘umble scribe is intrigued by the first sentence: “A driver on his way to Specsavers struck two elderly pedestrians with his car while reversing through a pedestrianised shopping area“.

    What was the driver doing in a pedestrianised area – where he should not have been – anyway? Exercising his over-developed sense of entitlement. For his lack of care for other road users, the perpetrator ultimately received a 12-month community order, a two-year driving ban and must pass an extended driving test before he can regain his licence.

  • Deep sea life using robots – exclusive

    Steve WoodsLanguage, Media, Oddities, Social Media, Tech

    This blog has often drawn attention to the inability of modern journalists (or should that be media employees? Ed.) to understand ambiguity, i.e. the quality of a statement being open to more than one interpretation, and how to avoid it by using language as a precision, not a blunt instrument.

    The example below dates back to 2022, comes from India’s Republic and dives beneath the waves to the bottom of the sea. It arrived in your ‘umble scribe’s social medial timeline late last week, so apologies if you’ve already seen the howler below.

    Headline - UK researchers discover over 30 potential new species at ocean's bottom using robots. Byline - In what can be considered to be a breakthrough scientific development, over 30 potentially new species have been discovered by UK scientists at ocean&'s bottom.

    The story was originally published in The Guardian. Republic’s reporter Anwesha Majumdar does not disclose in the rewrite why aquatic life in the deep oceans is using robots.

  • For UK, see England

    Steve WoodsLanguage, Media, Politics, Social Media

    For some in England – an it only obtains in England – happens throughout the whole of the island of Great Britain and the occupied six counties of the Ireland of Ireland that suffers under the monicker of the United Kingdom.

    Those in England frequently forget that England isn’t the whole of the UK. It includes Wales, which England first colonised in the late 12th century, Scotland, which has its own system of law and institutions, and the aforementioned occupied six Irish counties, the remnant of yet more colonial activity likewise dating back to the late 12th century.

    People in parts of the UK that are not England frequently view England as the most privileged part of the union, particularly when it displays arrogance, exceptionalism and a lack of tact, especially as the union did not come about voluntarily and secession from which may only be put to the vote if Whitehall is feeling generous.

    However, arrogance, exceptionalism and a lack of tact does not apply only in the political sphere, but in the reporting of politics by the media.

    The following post has appeared on the X/Twitter account of London-based Channel 4 News on 3rd May.

    Post reads Local election results - what we know so far. Below is a screenshot of a video showing a backdrop with the words The UK decides - 2024 Local Elections

    The what decides?

    The only local elections taking place in the UK were mostly in England on 2nd May and involved elections for a large number of local authorities, regional mayors and police and crime commissioners.

    By virtue of Henry VIII’s 16th century Acts of Union, the only electoral activity anywhere else in the UK involved the election of the four Welsh police and crime commissioners for the four regional Welsh police forces. As regards these Welsh elections, Nation Cymru carries an opinion piece advocating the abolition of commissioners due to the extremely low voter turnout.

    The proportion of people on the electoral register who bothered to vote was 19.2% in the Dyfed-Powys police force area, 17.19% in North Wales, 16.58% in South Wales and 15.63% in Gwent.

    This hardly the UK really decides, now is it, Channel 4 News?

  • The importance of proofreading

    Steve WoodsLanguage, Oddities, Social Media

    Within minutes of each other, two occurrences reminded your ‘umble scribe of the importance of proofreading, i.e. the process of finding and correcting mistakes in text before it is printed out or posted online.

    If nothing else, it proves the person or company involves knows what it’s doing and writing, providing evidence of professional competence

    The first was spotted on a change machine in Terminal 1 of Manchester Airport in the early hours of this morning.

    Sticker on machine stating this machine accepts new £20 note. On the image of the note is the printed word SPECIMAN.
    SPECIMAN? What’s one of those?

    According to Wikipedia, a specimen – not SPECIMAN – banknote is printed generally in very limited quantities for distribution to central banks to aid in the recognition of banknotes from a country other than their own. Furthermore, To avoid use of specimen banknotes as legal tender notes, the banknotes are deformed, typically by being overprinted and/or punched (perfin) with an inscription such as “SPECIMEN”, “SPECIMEN NO VALUE”, “CANCELLED” or the equivalent in one or more other languages.

    The second turned up a couple of minutes later on your correspondent’s social media feed.

    Ingredients list for a roast beef and criminalized red onion relish roll
    Should those with a poor grasp of English be gaoled?

    A reverse image search reveals that the original image first emerged on social media some 4 years ago and originated in the United States. Note that the snack is accurately defined as having caramelized onion relish its long description. Y’all have a good misspelt sandwich now! 😀

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