English usage | Steve Woods

Allergy warning: Office 2013 marketing may contain traces of FUD

28/02/2013 Steve WoodsLanguage, Linux, Open Source, Open Standards, Tech
In the IT world, FUD is a very useful acronym: it’s short for fear, uncertainty and doubt.

Wikipedia defines FUD as:

Fear, uncertainty and doubt (FUD), is a tactic used in sales, marketing, public relations, politics and propaganda.

FUD is generally a strategic attempt to influence perception by disseminating negative and dubious or false information. An individual firm, for example, might use FUD to invite unfavourable opinions and speculation about a competitor’s product; to increase the general estimation of switching costs among current customers; or to maintain leverage over a current business partner who could potentially become a rival.

The term originated to describe disinformation tactics in the computer hardware industry but has since been used more broadly. FUD is a manifestation of the appeal to fear.

As you’ll find if you read further down the Wikipedia entry, Microsoft, that superannuated leviathan of the proprietary software world, is no stranger to FUD. Indeed, it seems to have roused its sales partners to use it to help promote Office 2013/Office 365, the latest versions of its bloated, overpriced and ubiquitous office suite.

This came to my attention courtesy of Misco, who are kind enough to send my recycling box lots of sales material once a month. Included in this month’s batch of recycling was a 2-page spread for MS Office. Included in the ‘Top reasons to buy Office” was the following dubious information (reproduced verbatim from the leaflet):

End of Support

Running Office 2003 and Windows XP after the end-of-support date (April 8, 2014) may expose your company to security, compliance and compatibility risks due to a lack of ongoing updates.

Several points can be made about this misleading statement.

Firstly, all Microsoft products are insecure: just ask any decent, competent sysadmin.

Secondly, what’s all this ‘compliance risk’ about then? Is Microsoft revoking all Office licences for Office 2003 and older versions and sending in the software police? I think we should be told.

Thirdly, as far compatibility is concerned, users are wholly at the mercy of Microsoft as to how long files produced with earlier versions of Office programs can still be opened, read and edited using different versions of Office. This is vendor lock-in and it stinks.

Especially in these times of austerity when money is tight, my advice to anyone thinking of procuring or upgrading an office suite would be to look carefully at gratis open source alternatives to Office, such as:
- Apache OpenOffice – available for Linux, Mac and Windows;
- LibreOffice – a fork of OpenOffice – also available for Linux, Mac and Windows;
- Calligra – available for many Linux distributions and Free BSD and now with preliminary support for Windows and Mac.
All of these can also open and write files in Office formats, as well as working natively with Open Document Format – an international standard recognised by the ISO that’s being adopted increasingly by national governments across the world as a means of ensuring their documents can still be read in centuries to come.

I’ve been using open source office suites – principally OpenOffice and LibreOffice – in my professional capacity for the last 8 years and none of my clients – all of whom use Office – has reported problems opening the files I produce.
Plain talk about plane trees

26/02/2013 Steve WoodsBristol, Language, Media

The Bristol Post is not particularly renowned for the quality of its journalism.

This point of view was borne out by its report today on public works in Weston-super Mare, which features the following paragraph:

The species to be planted include silver birch, hazel, Scots pine, Himalayan plain, London plain and common alder. Work on removing the trees is due to start this week.

Himalayan plain? London plain? The Post should be sent to sit in shame in homophone corner until it learns the difference between a plain tree and a plane tree and promises not to make such elementary sub-editing errors in future.

However, the Post is not only guilty of falling victim to homophony and failing to do a bit of basic sub-editing. Indeed it is also guilty of churnalism – “a form of journalism in which press releases, wire stories and other forms of pre-packaged material are used to create articles in newspapers and other news media in order to meet increasing pressures of time and cost without undertaking further research or checking”.

Checking back on the source of the story in question, one arrives at a North Somerset Council news item of 20th February 2013, where – lo and behold – the following sentence appears:

The species to be planted include silver birch, hazel, Scots pine, Himalayan plain, London plain and common alder.

Thus the anonymous Post hack quoted initially has merely repeated the error of the original author of the news in North Somerset.

This blog has pointed out before that North Somerset is a strange place (posts passim), but having an illiterate write news on the council website is just plain perverse.
Parliamo Shropshire!

15/02/2013 Steve WoodsLanguage, Social Media

Floreat Salopia
One can’t help where one’s born and that often affects how one speaks. It certainly did for me. Until I left home to go to do my degree, I spoke Shropshire dialect.

On 5th February I tweeted the text below to link to a report in the Shropshire Star about a new project which is going to be mapping Shropshire dialects:

I started out saying anna, cunna and wunna and went to Shoesbree for a treat. #Shropshire dialect

.

Today I was delighted to note I’d received the response below in dialect from the @shroppiemon Twitter account.

@wood5y yer munna say cunna it inna polite and yer munna say wunna cos that inna roite*.

* For non-Salopians: “You mustn’t say cannot, it isn’t polite and you mustn’t say won’t because that isn’t right”.
Haggis – a poetic dish

25/01/2013 Steve WoodsLanguage

The Bard of Ayrshire. Picture courtesy of Wikimedia Commons
Today, 25th January is the birthday of Robert (or Rabbie) Burns (1759 – 21 July 1796), Scotland’s most celebrated poet. He is widely regarded as the national poet of Scotland and is celebrated worldwide. He is the best known of the poets who have written in the Scots language, although much of his writing is also in English and a light Scots dialect, making his works accessible to an audience beyond Scotland. He also wrote in standard English and this brought out his bluntest political and civil commentaries.

Burns is also regarded as a pioneer of the Romantic movement and after his death he became a great source of inspiration to the founders of both liberalism and socialism, as well as a cultural hero in Scotland and the Scottish diaspora around the world.

Rabbie’s birthday is now traditionally celebrated by a Burns Night supper, of which haggis is an essential ingredient, traditionally accompanied by ‘neeps’ (turnips or swede) and ‘tatties’ (potatoes). One gets the impression that Rabbie was rather fond of haggis, since in 1786 he wrote “Address To A Haggis”, which is reproduced below.

Fair fa’ your honest, sonsie face,
Great chieftain o’ the pudding-race!
Aboon them a’ yet tak your place,
Painch, tripe, or thairm:
Weel are ye wordy o’a grace
As lang’s my arm.

The groaning trencher there ye fill,
Your hurdies like a distant hill,
Your pin was help to mend a mill
In time o’need,
While thro’ your pores the dews distil
Like amber bead.

His knife see rustic Labour dight,
An’ cut you up wi’ ready sleight,
Trenching your gushing entrails bright,
Like ony ditch;
And then, O what a glorious sight,
Warm-reekin’, rich!

Then, horn for horn, they stretch an’ strive:
Deil tak the hindmost! on they drive,
Till a’ their weel-swall’d kytes belyve
Are bent like drums;
Then auld Guidman, maist like to rive,
Bethankit! hums.

Is there that owre his French ragout
Or olio that wad staw a sow,
Or fricassee wad make her spew
Wi’ perfect sconner,
Looks down wi’ sneering, scornfu’ view
On sic a dinner?

Poor devil! see him owre his trash,
As feckles as wither’d rash,
His spindle shank, a guid whip-lash;
His nieve a nit;
Thro’ blody flood or field to dash,
O how unfit!

But mark the Rustic, haggis-fed,
The trembling earth resounds his tread.
Clap in his walie nieve a blade,
He’ll mak it whissle;
An’ legs an’ arms, an’ hands will sned,
Like taps o’ trissle.

Ye Pow’rs, wha mak mankind your care,
And dish them out their bill o’ fare,
Auld Scotland wants nae skinking ware
That jaups in luggies;
But, if ye wish her gratefu’ prayer
Gie her a haggis!

Haggis, neeps and tatties.
I’m looking forward to some haggis, neeps and tatties this evening at The Volunteer Tavern in St Judes, Bristol, beautifully prepared by Mark the chef, as well as a wee dram or two to wash it all down. I’m also looking forward to the other courses, starting with cock-a-leekie soup or Scotch broth for starters finishing with cranachan for dessert.

Furthermore, I might also have to find time to bone up on the Address above as I might have to do it.

If you are celebrating Burns Night too, do enjoy it!
Snow in Bristol

19/01/2013 Steve WoodsBristol, Language

A snowflake under the microscope. Picture courtesy of Wikimedia Commons.
It snowed in Bristol yesterday, as it did over a large part of the UK. No more than 2-3 inches of the frozen white stuff caused complete chaos with bus services withdrawn, schools closed and similar over-reactions. A friend called me yesterday afternoon: he works in Geneva and told me that several times that amount – nearly 2 feet in fact – fell there on Tuesday afternoon and life continued as normal.

When snow settles in the Bristol area, it does something unique that’s not repeated elsewhere in the country or in the English-speaking world (to the best of my knowledge. Ed.): it pitches. When it’s snowing, Bristolians have been known to confuse people from elsewhere simply by asking, “Is it pitching?”

Chambers 21st Century Dictionary defines the verb to pitch as follows:

pitch verb (pitches, pitched, pitching) 1 to set up (a tent or camp). 2 to throw or fling. 3 tr & intr to fall or make someone or something fall heavily forward. 4 intrans said of a ship: to plunge and lift alternately at bow and stern. 5 tr & intr said of a roof: to slope • is pitched at a steep angle. 6 to give a particular musical pitch to (one’s voice or a note) in singing or playing, or to set (a song, etc.) at a higher or lower level within a possible range • The tune is pitched too high for me. 7 to choose a level, e.g. of difficulty, sophistication, etc. at which to present (a talk, etc.) • was pitched too low for this audience. 8 a cricket to bowl (the ball) so that it lands where the batsman can hit it; b golf to hit (the ball) high and gently, so that it stays where it is on landing; c tr & intr, baseball said of the pitcher (sense 1): to throw the ball overarm or underarm to the person batting. 9 to pave (a road) with stones set on end or on edge.

Out of these possible definitions, from whence could this bit of Bristolian dialect come? Sense 9 above, i.e. paving in the sense of covering something over, seems a strong possibility.

In addition, users of the WordReference Forum have also discussed what snow does when it settles, including pitching in Bristol. In this thread, one user, Loob, suggests that Bristol’s pitching could have originated from Somerset since Somerset dialect for to lie is to pitch.

Pitch itself comes from the 13th century Middle English verb picchen, meaning to throw or put up.

One final point: whatever snow does where you are – pitch, settle,lie or anything else – don’t forget to let your inner child enjoy it!
More dodgy spam comment script coding

12/01/2013 Steve WoodsTech

I’ve blogged in the past about blog comment spam (posts passim).

Today another badly coded spam comment script misfired, leaving the comment below in the moderation cue:

I Live THESE {fendi moncler bag|moncler mens clothing|moncler gamme bleu jacket|moncler paris boutique|moncler lucie jacket|moncler 2011 collection|moncler jacket women 2012|men moncler hats|moncler ski|moncler boots uk!!!

Leaving aside the abysmal English – ‘live’ instead of ‘love’ – can you spot where the coding error? That’s right! The missing curly bracket at the end. As Homer Simpson would say: “Doh!”
The long tail of LibreOffice

10/01/2013 Steve WoodsLanguage, Linux, Open Source, Tech

In recent years, the term ‘long tail‘, which was originally coined in 2004 by Chris Anderson, has certainly caught on. Anderson’s coining of the phrase drew on a February 2003 essay by Clay Shirky entitled “Power Laws, Weblogs and Inequality”, which noted that a relatively few blogs have many links to them, but there’s a “the long tail” of millions of blogs with only a handful of links each. Anderson described the effects of the long tail on current and future business models and later developed it into a book, The Long Tail: Why the Future of Business is Selling Less of More, published in 2006.

You may be asking what has all this to do with LibreOffice, the popular open source office suite? Well, the Document Foundation, the organisation behind LibreOffice, has recently published a blog post showing a long tail graph in relation to the developers working on LibreOffice.

The long tail in action on LibreOffice. Click on the image for a full size version. Image courtesy of The Document Foundation

The image depicts developers who worked on LibreOffice’s code base in 2012. Last year a total some 320 developers worked on improving LibreOffice’s code. Of these, a majority were volunteers and a minority were people paid by major open source companies such as SuSE, RedHat and Canonical, as well as many smaller organisations such as Lanedo, which provides customisation services for open source products such as LibreOffice.

The graph of the individual contributions has the shape of a “long tail”, whilst the pie chart illustrates the work done by the top 33 developers with 100+ commits, consisting of 16 volunteers and 17 paid developers (11 from SUSE, 5 from RedHat and 1 from Canonical).
A spam comment (or rather several) dissected

24/12/2012 Steve WoodsLanguage, Tech

Keeping spam comments at bay is a constant battle for regular bloggers. Today I came across an instance of where a spammer’s script for posting spam comments to blogs went completely awry and the entire contents of the script were dumped en masse in one jumbo comment, which follows (with apologies for its length! Ed.):

{Hi|Hello|Hi there|What’s up}, {just wanted|wanted|simply wanted|I would like|I just want|merely wanted|I just wanted} to {mention|say|tell you}, I {enjoyed|liked|loved} this {article|post|blog post}. {It was|It had been|That it was|It was actually|It actually was|It seemed to be|This had been|It was pretty|This became|This was|This has been|That was} {inspiring|funny|practical|helpful}. {Keep on|Continue|Carry on|Continue on|Keep|Keep going} {posting|publishing|submitting|writing}!

{Hi|Hello|Hi there|What’s up}, {I just|I simply|I merely|I really} {wanted to|wished to|want to|had to} {mention|say|tell you}, {you’re wrong|you’re dead wrong|I disagree}. {Your|Your own|Your current|Your actual} {post|blog|article|point} {doesn’t|does not|fails to|really doesn’t|didn’t} make {any sense|sense at all}.

{Hi|Hello|Hi there|What’s up}, {how’s it going|how are things}? {I just|I recently|I just now} {shared|discussed|mentioned} this {post|article|posting|content|document|page|information|blog|short article} {with a|along with a} {colleague|friend|coworker|associate}, {we had|weâd|there was} a {good|great|fantastic|nice|quality|healthy|proper} {laugh|chuckle|giggle|snicker}.

{Great delivery|Incredible points|Touche}. {Great|Outstanding|Solid|Sound} {arguments|justifications|reasons|discussions|questions|points}. {Keep up|Continue|Maintain|Sustain} the {amazing|good|great} {effort|work|spirit}.

{This|This particular|This kind of|This valuable|This amazing} {post|text|information|info} is {priceless|invaluable|worth everyone’s attention}. {Where|How|When} {can I|can one|may I|will I|do I|could I|might I} {find out more|learn more|get more information|read more|discover more|garner more information}?

{Highly|Very} {energetic|descriptive} {blog|article|post}, I {enjoyed|liked|loved} that {a lot|bit}. {Will there be|Maybe there is|Perhaps there is|Could there be|There has to be} {a part|part} {2|Two}?

{Incredible|Ridiculous|Outstanding|Inspiring|Stunning} {quest|story} there. What {occurred|happened} after? {Good luck|Thanks|Take care}!

{Can you tell us more about this|I’d like to find out more|Do you have any video of that}? I’d {care|like|love|want} to find out {more details|some additional information}.

{Great|Very nice|Informative|Peculiar} article, {exactly|just|totally} what I {needed|wanted to find|was looking for}.

{Hi|Hello|Hi there|What’s up}, I {log on to|check|read} your {new stuff|blogs|blog} {regularly|like every week|daily|on a regular basis}. Your {story-telling|writing|humoristic} style is {awesome|witty}, keep {doing what you’re doing|up the good work|it up}!

{Hi|What’s up|Hi there|Hello} to {all|every one|every single one}, it’s {really|actually|in fact|truly|genuinely} a {nice|pleasant|good|fastidious} for me to {visit|go to see|pay a visit|pay a quick visit} this {website|web site|site|web page}, it {contains|consists of|includes} {valuable|precious|priceless|important|helpful|useful} Information.

I am {really|actually|in fact|truly|genuinely} {happy|pleased|glad|delighted} to {read|glance at} this {blog|weblog|webpage|website|web site} posts which {contains|consists of|includes|carries} {lots|plenty|tons} of {useful|helpful|valuable} {data|information|facts}, thanks for providing {such|these|these kinds of} {data|information|statistics}.

This video post is {really|actually|in fact|truly|genuinely} {great|enormous|impressive|wonderful|fantastic}, the {sound|noise|echo} {quality|feature} and the picture {quality|feature} of this {video|tape|film} post is {really|actually|in fact|truly|genuinely} {awesome|remarkable|amazing}.

{Hi|What’s up|Hi there|Hello} to every body, it’s my first {visit|go to see|pay a visit|pay a quick visit} of this {blog|weblog|webpage|website|web site}; this {blog|weblog|webpage|website|web site} {contains|consists of|includes|carries} {awesome|remarkable|amazing} and {really|actually|in fact|truly|genuinely} {good|fine|excellent} {stuff|information|data|material} {for|designed for|in favor of|in support of} {readers|visitors}.

{Wow|Hurrah}, that’s what I was {looking|searching|seeking|exploring} for, what a {stuff|information|data|material}! {present|existing} here at this {blog|weblog|webpage|website|web site}, thanks admin of this {website|web site|site|web page}.

{Hi|What’s up|Hi there|Hello}, {always|for all time|all the time|constantly|every time} i used to check {blog|weblog|webpage|website|web site} posts here {early|in the early hours} in the {morning|dawn|break of day|daylight}, {because|since|as|for the reason that} i {like|love|enjoy} to {learn|gain knowledge of|find out} more and more.

{Hi|What’s up|Hi there|Hello} to {all|every one|every }, {because|since|as|for the reason that} I am {really|actually|in fact|truly|genuinely} {keen|eager} of reading this {blog|weblog|webpage|website|web site}’s post to be updated {regularly|daily|on a regular basis}. It {contains|consists of|includes|carries} {nice|pleasant|good|fastidious} {stuff|information|data|material}.

I {always|for all time|all the time|constantly|every time} emailed this {blog|weblog|webpage|website|web site} post page to all my {friends|associates|contacts}, {because|since|as|for the reason that} if like to read it {then|after that|next|afterward} my {friends|links|contacts} will too.

Can you please {email|send|send by e-mail|forward|send an e-mail to} me the code for this script or please {tell|inform|let know|enlighten} me in detail {about|concerning|regarding|in relation to} this script?

Your {way|method|means|mode} of {describing|explaining|telling} {everything|all|the whole thing} in this {article|post|piece of writing|paragraph} is {really|actually|in fact|truly|genuinely} {nice|pleasant|good|fastidious}, {all|every one} {can|be able to|be capable of} {easily|without difficulty|effortlessly|simply} {understand|know|be aware of} it, Thanks a lot.

{Good|Fine|Excellent} way of {describing|explaining|telling}, and {nice|pleasant|good|fastidious} {article|post|piece of writing|paragraph} to {take|get|obtain} {data|information|facts} {regarding|concerning|about|on the topic of} my presentation {topic|subject|subject matter|focus}, which i am going to {deliver|convey|present} in {university|institution of higher education|college|academy|school}.

{Hi|What’s up|Hi there|Hello}, I {want|desire|wish for|would like} to subscribe for this {blog|weblog|webpage|website|web site} to {take|get|obtain} {latest|newest|most recent|most up-to-date|hottest} updates, {so|thus|therefore} where can i do it please {help|assist|help out}.

{Hi|What’s up|Hi there|Hello}, after reading this {awesome|remarkable|amazing} {article|post|piece of writing|paragraph} i am {also|too|as well} {happy|glad|cheerful|delighted} to share my {experience|knowledge|familiarity|know-how} here with {friends|mates|colleagues}.

{Marvelous|Wonderful|Excellent|Fabulous|Superb}, what a {blog|weblog|webpage|website|web site} it is! This {blog|weblog|webpage|website|web site} {provides|gives|presents} {useful|helpful|valuable} {data|information|facts} to us, keep it up.

{Hi|What’s up|Hi there|Hello} {all|everybody|every one}, here {every one|every person} is sharing {such|these|these kinds of} {experience|knowledge|familiarity|know-how}, {so|thus|therefore} it’s {nice|pleasant|good|fastidious} to read this {blog|weblog|webpage|website|web site}, and I used to {visit|go to see|pay a visit|pay a quick visit} this {blog|weblog|webpage|website|web site} {everyday|daily|every day|all the time}.

What a funny blog! I {really|actually|in fact|truly|genuinely} {enjoyed|loved} watching this {funny|humorous|comic} video with my {family|relatives|family unit} as well as {with|together with|along with|including} my {friends|mates|colleagues}.

{Graphics|Pictures|Sketches} are {really|actually|in fact|truly|genuinely} {nice|pleasant|good|fastidious} source of {teaching|education|lessons|instruction} instead of {text|passage|wording|content}, its my {experience|knowledge|familiarity|know-how}, what would you say?

{Hi|What’s up|Hi there|Hello}, its {nice|pleasant|good|fastidious} {article|post|piece of writing|paragraph} {regarding|concerning|about|on the topic of} media print, we all {know|be familiar with|understand|be aware of} media is a {great|enormous|impressive|wonderful|fantastic} source of {data|information|facts}.

{Hi|What’s up|Hi there|Hello}, this weekend is {nice|pleasant|good|fastidious} {for|designed for|in favor of|in support of} me, {because|since|as|for the reason that} this {time|occasion|point in time|moment} i am reading this {great|enormous|impressive|wonderful|fantastic} {informative|educational} {article|post|piece of writing|paragraph} here at my {home|house|residence}.

This is my first time {visit|go to see|pay a visit|pay a quick visit} at here and i am {really|actually|in fact|truly|genuinely} {impressed|happy|pleassant} to read {all|everthing} at {one|alone|single} place.

{Nice|Good|Fastidious} {replies|respond|answers|answer back|response} in return of this {question|query|difficulty|issue|matter} with {solid|firm|real|genuine} arguments and {describing|explaining|telling} {everything|all|the whole thing} {regarding|concerning|about|on the topic of} that.

I {visit|go to see|pay a visit|pay a quick visit} {everyday|daily|each day|day-to-day|every day} {some|a few} {websites|sites|web sites|web pages|blogs} and {blogs|websites|information sites|sites} to read {articles|posts|articles or reviews|content}, {but|except|however} this {blog|weblog|webpage|website|web site} {provides|offers|gives|presents} {quality|feature} based {articles|posts|content|writing}.

{Of course|Obviously|Certainly|Sure|As expected} high resolution {video|videotape|film} quality {contains|consists of|includes|carries} much memory, that’s why it {provides|gives|presents|gives you} {better|improved|enhanced|superior} {quality|feature}.

If you are {going|going away|ready|free} to watch {funny|humorous|comical|comic} videos {online|on the internet|on the web|on the net} then I suggest you to {visit|go to see|pay a visit|pay a quick visit} this {website|web site|site|web page}, it {contains|consists of|includes|carries} {really|actually|in fact|truly|genuinely} {so|thus|therefore} {funny|humorous|comical|comic} not only {videos|movies|video clips} but also {other|additional|extra} {stuff|information|data|material}.

I know this {website|web site|site|web page} {provides|offers|gives|presents} quality {based|dependent|depending} {articles|posts|articles or reviews|content} and {other|additional|extra} {stuff|information|data|material}, is there any other {website|web site|site|web page} which {provides|offers|gives|presents} {such|these|these kinds of} {things|information|stuff|data} in quality?

{Hi|What’s up|Hi there|Hello} {friends|mates|colleagues}, its {great|enormous|impressive|wonderful|fantastic} {article|post|piece of writing|paragraph} {regarding|concerning|about|on the topic of} {education|teaching|tutoring|culture}and {fully|completely|entirely} {explained|defined}, keep it up all the time.

Downloading {stuff|information|data|material} from this {website|web site|site|web page} is as {easy|simple|trouble-free|straightforward|effortless} |as clicking the mouse rather than other {websites|sites|web sites|web pages|blogs} which {transfer|move|shift} me here and there on the {pages|web pages|internet pages|web sites|webpages}.

{Hi|What’s up|Hi there|Hello} {everybody|everyone}, I am sure you will be enjoying here by watching {such|these|these kinds of} {funny|hilarious|comical|comic} {videos|movies|video clips|video lessons}.

I {always|constantly|every time} spent my half an hour to read this {blog|weblog|webpage|website|web site}’s {articles|posts|articles or reviews|content} {everyday|daily|every day|all the time} along with a {cup|mug} of coffee.

{Hurrah|Wow}! {Finally|At last|After all|In the end} I got a {blog|weblog|webpage|website|web site} from where I {can|be able to|know how to|be capable of} {really|actually|in fact|truly|genuinely} {take|get|obtain} {useful|helpful|valuable} {data|information|facts} {regarding|concerning} my study and knowledge.

{Hi|What’s up|Hi there|Hello}, {everything|all|the whole thing} is going {well|fine|sound|perfectly|nicely} here and ofcourse every one is sharing {data|information|facts}, that’s {really|actually|in fact|truly|genuinely} {good|fine|excellent}, keep up writing.

If you {want|desire|wish for|would like} to {increase|improve|grow} your {experience|knowledge|familiarity|know-how} {only|simply|just} keep visiting this {website|web site|site|web page} and be updated with the {latest|newest|most recent|most up-to-date|hottest} {news|information|gossip|news update} posted here.

{Hi|What’s up|Hi there|Hello} to {all|every one}, the contents {present|existing} at this {website|web site|site|web page} are {really|actually|in fact|truly|genuinely} {awesome|remarkable|amazing} for people {experience|knowledge}, well, keep up the {nice|good} work fellows.

No one can {deny|refuse|reject} from the {quality|feature} of this video posted at this {website|web site|site|web page}, {nice|pleasant|good|fastidious} {job|work}, keep it all the time.

{No matter if|When} some one searches for his {required|necessary|essential|vital} thing, {so|thus|therefore} he/she {wants|needs|desires|wishes} to be available that in detail, {so|thus|therefore} that thing is maintained over here.

{Because|Since|As|For the reason that} the admin of this {website|web site|site|web page} is working, no {doubt|hesitation|uncertainty|question} very {soon|rapidly|quickly|shortly} it will be {famous|well-known|renowned}, due to its {quality|feature} contents.

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{Awesome|Remarkable|Amazing} YouTube {videos|movies|video clips|video tutorials|video lessons} posted at this {website|web site|site|web page}, I am going to subscribe for {regularly|daily|on a regular basis} updates, {because|since|as|for the reason that} I don’t {want|desire|wish for|would like} to {miss|fail to take} this series.

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YouTube is world’s {largest|biggest|leading} video sharing {website|web site|site|web page}, no one can defeat it. Every one {upload|add} {videos|movies|video clips|video tutorials|video lessons} at YouTube {then|after that|afterward} {take|get|obtain} embed code and post {anywhere|anyplace|everywhere}.

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{Because|Since|As|For the reason that} the YouTube {videos|movies|video clips|video tutorials|video lessons} are posted {here|at this place} same like I also embed YouTube video code at my own {website|web site|site|web page}, {because|since|as|for the reason that} it is {easy|simple|trouble-free|straightforward|effortless} to {take|get|obtain} embedded code.

{Nowadays|Today|Now|Currently} YouTube {videos|movies|video clips|video tutorials|video lessons} quality is more {better|improved|enhanced|superior} and {better|improved|enhanced|superior}, {so|thus|therefore} that’s the {reason|cause|motive} that I am watching this video at {here|at this place|at this time|at this point}.

These all YouTube gaming {videos|movies|video clips|video tutorials|video lessons} are {really|actually|in fact|truly|genuinely} in {nice|pleasant|good|fastidious} quality, I watched out all these along {with|by means of|by|through} my {friends|mates|colleagues}.

I and my {friends|mates|colleagues} watch the {football|soccer } game clips at YouTube {always|forever|for all time|all the time}, {because|since|as|for the reason that} they have in {nice|pleasant|good|fastidious} quality.

In my {home|house|residence} when I {take|get} bored, {then|after that|afterward} I {only|simply|just} ON my {computer|PC|laptop|notebook} and open YouTube {website|web site|site|web page} to watch the YouTube {videos|movies|video clips|video tutorials|video lessons}.

{Hi|What’s up|Hi there|Hello}, {it is|it’s|its} understandable {article|post|piece of writing|paragraph} along with this YouTube video; I can’t {think|believe|imagine} that one can not understand this {easy|simple|trouble-free|straightforward|effortless} {article|post|piece of writing|paragraph} having with video {demo|demonstration|presentation|sample}.

This {article|post|piece of writing|paragraph} {regarding|concerning|about|on the topic of} how to embed a YouTube video code is {really|actually|in fact|truly|genuinely} {useful|helpful|valuable} {for|designed for|in favor of|in support of} {new|fresh} {internet|web|internet access} {users|people|viewers|visitors}. {Nice|Pleasant|Good|Fastidious} {job|work|occupation|employment}, keep it up.

{In|Inside|Within|Into} YouTube video embed {code|script} you can also {specify|give|stipulate} parameters {according|in accordance|based|matching} to your {wish|desire|hope} like width, height or even border colors.

YouTube {videos|movies|video clips|video tutorials|video lessons} are {famous|well-known} in {entire|whole} {globe|world}, {because|since|as|for the reason that} it is the {biggest|largest|leading} video sharing {website|web site|site}, and I {become|turn out to be} too {happy|glad|cheerful|delighted} by watching YouTube {videos|movies|video clips|video tutorials|video lessons}.

YouTube {contains|consists of|includes|carries} not {only|simply|just} {funny|humorous|comical|comic} and humorous {videos|movies|video clips|video tutorials|video lessons} but also it {contains|consists of|includes|carries} {educational|learning} related {videos|movies|video clips|video tutorials|video lessons}.

{Hi|What’s up|Hi there|Hello} dear, are you enjoying with this {funny|humorous|comical|comic} YouTube video? Hmmm, that’s {nice|pleasant|good|fastidious}, I am {also|as well} watching this YouTube {funny|humorous|comical|comic|joke} video at the moment.

I am {happy|glad|cheerful|delighted} to {see|watch} this you tube video at this {website|web site|site|web page}, {so|thus|therefore} {now|right now} I am also going to {upload|add} all my {videos|movies|video clips|video tutorials|video lessons} at YouTube {website|web site|site|web page}.

Its my {luck|fortune|destiny|good fortune|good luck} to {visit|go to see|pay a visit|pay a quick visit} at this {blog|weblog|webpage|website|web site} and find out my required {article|post|piece of writing|paragraph} along with video {demo|demonstration|presentation}, that’s YouTube video and its also in quality.

Oh! Wow its {really|actually|in fact|truly|genuinely} a {funny|humorous|comical|comic} and jockey YouTube video posted {here|at this place|at this point|at this juncture}. thanks for sharing it.

I got so bored {today|at the moment|in the present day} afternoon, {but|however} {when|while|as soon as} I watched this YouTube {funny|humorous|comical|comic} clip at this {blog|weblog|webpage|website|web site} I {become|turn out to be|turn into} fresh and {happy|glad|cheerful|delighted} {too|as well}.

{Hi|What’s up|Hi there|Hello} my {friends|mates|colleagues}, how is everything? Here it is {really|actually|in fact|truly|genuinely} {nice|pleasant|good|fastidious} YouTube {videos|movies|video clips|video tutorials|video lessons} collection. i enjoyed a lot.

My {boss|chief} is {also|as well} {keen|eager} of YouTube {funny|humorous|comical|comic} {videos|movies|video clips|video tutorials|video lessons}, he also watch these even in {office|place of work|workplace|organization|company} hehehe..

{Hi|What’s up|Hi there|Hello}, can any body {help|assist} me how to {download|get|down load} this video tutorial from this {website|web site|site|web page}, I have watched and listen it {here|at this place|at this time|now} but {want|desire|wish for|would like} to {download|get|down load} it.

This {article|post|piece of writing|paragraph} is {really|actually|in fact|truly|genuinely} a {nice|pleasant|good|fastidious} one it {helps|assists} new {internet|web|net|the web} {users|people|viewers|visitors}, who are wishing {for|in favor of} blogging.

When someone writes an {article|post|piece of writing|paragraph} he/she {keeps|maintains|retains} the {idea|thought|plan|image} of a user in his/her {mind|brain} that how a user can {understand|know|be aware of} it. {So|Thus|Therefore} that’s why this {article|post|piece of writing|paragraph} is {amazing|great|perfect|outstdanding}. Thanks!

Each of the paragraphs in the quoted section above is meant to be an individual spam comment. The way that the script is supposed to work is as follows: the script is supplied with a list of websites to crawl. Once at the site the script should the use the template to select a paragraph and generate a plain text message using only one alternative from each of the selections in curly brackets in one paragraph. Thus it can be seen how lots of comments with permutations can be generated automatically with very little effort.

However, little effort has also been spared on the quality of the English in the text, e.g. spelling mistakes such as “conations” and “dailly”, and one can easily imagine that that the coding was of a similarly poor quality. 🙂
The Golden Bull Awards 2012

11/12/2012 Steve WoodsLanguage

The Golden Bull, the ultimate accolade for gobbledygook
I might not always agree with everything done by the Plain English Campaign, but I must commend them for their excellent work in combating the spread of impenetrable and confusing jargon by both public sector organisations and the private sector with their annual Golden Bull Awards. The Golden Bull Awards are presented annually for the year’s ‘best’ examples of gobbledygook.

This year’s awards were announced yesterday, 10th December, and there are some real corkers amongst the winners.

For instance, there’s the following from the newly created Cheshire, Warrington and Wirral NHS Commissioning Support Service:

A unique factor of the NHS Cheshire Warrington and Wirral Commissioning support organisation is its systematised methodology for project and programme management of small, medium, large service re-design and implementation…Building in equality and risk impact assessments the options are taken through a process to arrive at the content for an output based specification and benefits foreseen as a result of the implementation.

The service is inclusive of full engagement with Clinical Commissioning Groups who direct at decision-making points how they wish the proposal to be deployed (re-commmisson, de-commission or changes to current services/providers), and lastly an implementation team who see the service redesign through to evaluation and benefits realisation.

Another fine example comes from the London Borough of Enfield for this extract from a letter about a building’s change of use.

NOTIFICATION OF THE MAKING OF ARTICLE 4 DIRECTION (REF: Art 4/HMO) RELATING TO HOUSES IN MULTIPLE OCCUPATION

I am writing to inform you that on the 15th October 2012, the London Borough of Enfield made a direction (reference: Art 4HMO) under article 4(1) of the Town and Country Planning (General Permitted Development) Order 1995 as amended.

The direction relates to development consisting of a change of the use of a building to a use falling within Class C4 (houses in multiple occupation) of the Schedule to the Town and Country Planning (Use Classes) Order 1987 from a use falling within Class C3 (dwellinghouses) of that Schedule, and removes permitted development rights for this type of development from the date when the direction comes into force.

Finally, a private sector example. Can you decode this extract from the Investors’ Report of December 2011 from The Children’s Mutual?

UBS believe that the ‘New Normal’ economic environment of relatively low growth means that the ability to differentiate between secular and cyclical growth opportunities becomes more important and that for the foreseeable future the main driving influence on market sentiment will be the structural adjustments and the political capital required to help mitigate the contractionary influence of low growth.

What this means for portfolio construction is that in a low growth, low return, capital constrained environment, competitive advantage favours a combination of income generative, conservatively funded, self sustaining businesses – groups that UBS class as “dividend aristocrats” and who are experiencing secular growth. This leads UBS to their long-term core investment objective of being invested in high quality businesses.

If any passing reader can render the above quotations into plain English, please feel free to do so in the comments below.
A government of snollygosters

09/12/2012 Steve WoodsLanguage, Politics

I’ve just finished reading Utopia by Sir Thomas More (1478-1535).

Utopia contrasts the contentious social life of European states with the perfectly orderly, reasonable social arrangements of Utopia and its environs (Tallstoria, Nolandia and Aircastle). In Utopia, with communal ownership of land, private property does not exist, men and women are educated alike and there is almost complete religious toleration.

Woodcut by Ambrosius Holbein for the 1518 edition of Thomas More’s Utopia. Picture courtesy of Wikimedia Commons

One passage in the final chapter (entitled ‘Of the religions of the Utopians’) in particular struck a chord with me. It’s reproduced below.

Therefore I must say that, as I hope for mercy, I can have no other notion of all the other governments that I see or know, than that they are a conspiracy of the rich, who, on pretence of managing the public, only pursue their private ends, and devise all the ways and arts they can find out; first, that they may, without danger, preserve all that they have so ill-acquired, and then, that they may engage the poor to toil and labour for them at as low rates as possible, and oppress them as much as they please; and if they can but prevail to get these contrivances established by the show of public authority, which is considered as the representative of the whole people, then they are accounted laws; yet these wicked men, after they have, by a most insatiable covetousness, divided that among themselves with which all the rest might have been well supplied, are far from that happiness that is enjoyed among the Utopians…

Did Thomas More foresee the present UK government and its failed austerity policy? Hardly likely, but his words still have a ring of truth to them, which tells me that very little has changed in in general in governments since More’s time six centuries ago, apart from the introduction and gradual widening of the franchise to give the snollygosters an air of democratic respectability.

In case you’re wondering, a snollygoster is a person, especially a politician, who is guided by personal advantage rather than by consistent, respectable principles. As a word, it originated in the fast-expanding USA of the nineteenth century.

More’s Utopia is available for free in various formats from Project Gutenberg (posts passim).

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