English usage | Steve Woods

Medical reasons or patriotism?

18/06/2024 Steve WoodsLanguage, Media

Ever since the organs of the fourth estate starting getting rid of sub-editors to save costs and boost profits, bad journalism seems to be becoming the norm rather than the exception, as anyone who reads the press with a critical eye will quickly discover.

The European Football Championships currently taking place in Germany are already proving to be a rich source of inaccuracy (posts passim) and flights of hyperbole with no foundation.

Today’s Guardian provides a fine example today of the latter, as evidenced by the screenshot below.

For France, Grauniad; for the glory of the Republic? The prominence of for France suggests to your correspondent that the main reason for Killian having to wear a mask was patriotism, at least in the mind of the headline writer.

The BBC reports that the French Football Federation said a mask will be made for their captain, and quotes a spokesperson as saying, “He will undergo treatment in the coming days, without undergoing surgery immediately.” So there is no hint that the mask will be worn for reasons of patriotism, but every suggestion that medical and prophylactic motives are involved.

Update 21/06/2024: Mbappé now has the above-mentioned mask and it’s not only custom-made but a patriotic one too in the colours of the French tricolour.
BBC exclusive: police turn axe into firearm

16/06/2024 Steve WoodsLanguage, Media

As any fool knows, there is a world of difference between edged and bladed weapons such as axes and knives which are used at arm’s length and ranged weapons used at a distance and firing projectiles such as arrows, bullets, shells and the like.

Today’s BBC news site features a world exclusive: the Hamburg police have been able to convert an axe so it fires bullets, thus coming up with a combined edged/bladed and ranged weapon; or if that is not the case, that’s one interpretation that can be placed on the headline in the following screenshot.

If by some chance the German police have not pulled off this incredible feat, somewhere in the depths of Broadcasting House, there is likely some hapless person who fell asleep in or was absent from school English lessons or media studies lectures when the subject of ambiguity – i.e. the quality of something having more than one possible meaning – was brought up.

To save the hapless BBC hack any future embarrassment, your ‘umble scribe suggests that she or he visits Al Jazeera’s piece on the incident to learn how to write an unambiguous headline as per the screenshot below. Note the use of the hyphen, BBC person. 😀

One final thing: the item being carried by the person shot by Hamburg police was not actually an axe, but a slate hammer* (Schieferhammer), a tool used by roofers. This was confirmed by finding a German language media report of the incident, where Schieferhammer figures prominently in the headline. The BBC was not the only British media outlet to misreport the item used by the police’s assailant; the Independent had the man attacking police with a pickaxe.

* = Also known as a slater’s hammer. The photo below illustrates how it could be mistaken for a pickaxe (the hammer in question can just be seen in screenshot of the Al Jazeera report. Ed.). However, how the BBC managed to construe it as an axe is beyond your ‘umble scribe’s ken.
X Man: thin skin meets humour

16/06/2024 Steve WoodsLanguage, Social Media, Tech

The excessively wealthy man-baby commonly known as Elon Musk is a well-known egotist.

However, Musk, who has recently been awarded a massive and unwarranted boost to his already considerable riches by Tesla shareholders, has another asset that is less well-known, namely an excessively thin skin.

Whilst Musk is a deeply unpleasant character who will not hesitate to insult others, once famously calling one of the rescuers of a boys football team trapped in a Thai cave “pedo guy” as he felt slighted by his the person he insulted, Musk can’t handle the mildest of mocking, as the following exchange on Twitter/X shows.

Think before you tweet…

It is often said that with the wealthy the most sensitive part of their anatomy is the bank balance. Be that as it may, the above exchange proves this is not necessarily a default position for all plutocrats. In the case of Musk the ego is clearly his most delicate organ.
Conservatives’ National Service proposal – social media responds

27/05/2024 Steve WoodsLanguage, Politics, Social Media

Yesterday’s duff election idea from the soon-to-be-annihilated Conservative Party was the reintroduction of mandatory national service, otherwise known in more plain-speaking parts of the world as military service or conscription.

Your ‘umble scribe remembers older people during his 1960s childhood advocating the return of conscription as a panacea to cure all the evils that emerged during the 1960s like social progress (e.g. the abolition of the death penalty, the decriminalisation of homosexuality, legalisation of abortion, etc.), youth culture, colourful clothes, the consumption of drugs other than alcohol and tobacco, contraception, sexual promiscuity and everything else they didn’t like about the time.

Needless to say, the Conservatives’ idea to revive conscription has been widely ridiculed on social media.

First out of the blocks, a lovely post parodying not just the idea itself, but Britain’s misplaced and chauvinistic idea of its own greatness, when in reality thanks to Brexit, it’s a small island off the west coast of Europe that has shut itself off from closer ties with its neighbours.

Also featuring on social media posts was ridicule of the Conservative Party itself, particularly its more unpleasant members such as the dishonourable member for Stoke-on-Trent North, one Jonathan Edward Gullis (majority 6,286). In a previous life Gullis was a schoolteacher.

Whether the poor spelling and punctuation are deliberate is unknown.

A different line of attack was taken by those who are critical of the Tories seeing everything as an opportunity to make money such as the grasping ‘Baroness’ Michelle Georgina Mone, who during the Covid-19 pandemic succeeded in selling the British government £200m of useless PPE via her husband’s newly-established PPE Medpro company.

Meanwhile in the offline world, Former chief of the naval staff, Admiral Alan West, has described the plan as “bonkers” and added it would deplete the defence budget.
Blakey’s discourteous successors

17/05/2024 Steve WoodsBristol, Language, Social Media

From 1969 to 1973, ITV aired a comedy entitled On The Buses. One of the main characters in this mixture of sexism and misogyny that passed for humour at the time was Cyril ‘Blakey’ Blake (right) played by actor Stephen Lewis. One of the duties of inspectors in those days was to check passengers were travelling with valid tickets.

Skip forward half a century and inspectors have been replaced by so-called Revenue Protection Officers, by ~~First~~WorstBus, which along with its fellow WorstGroup subsidiary GWR, has a virtual public transport monopoly in the Greater Bristol area. GWR also employs Revenue Protection Officers.

Your ‘umble scribe had the misfortune to encounter two of these successors to Blakey yesterday afternoon, when they board a no. 24 service on the Stapleton Road. Dressed like pound shop police officers but with the words Revenue Protection Officers embroidered on the back of their uniform, the larger of the two proceeded to address the bottom deck of the bus: “Hi guys. Please have your tickets and passes ready for inspection”.

Guys? Neither we the travelling public nor you are American! Besides that, guys in this country normally end up on bonfires every 5th November or thereabouts.

That was informality bordering on the discourteous, which got your correspondent thinking of a more courteous and appropriate form of address, after a long discussion with others on social media yesterday and more especially bearing in mind the fact that some degree of formality is required when dealing with the public in a formal/official capacity.

First of all the Hi! needs ditching. Far too informal. As an interjectory greeting, it dates to the 1860s and originates in the American Midwest. It should be replaced by a Good (morning/afternoon/evening) (delete as appropriate. Ed.).

That’s the easy bit done. In these enlightened times ladies and gentlemen might not cover how everyone chooses to identify, e.g. the non-binary. Everyone would therefore seem to be the most apposite way to address a diverse inner-city busload of passengers. So, for the benefit of any passing WorstBus successors to Blakey, my suggested form of greeting when doing your job would be: Good (morning/afternoon/evening), everyone. Please have your tickets and passes ready for inspection, please!
You couldn’t make it up!

14/05/2024 Steve WoodsLanguage, Media, Oddities

Opticians chain Specsavers is rightly renowned for its advertising slogan, “Should have gone to Specsavers“, which has been applied to every bad decision ranging from one’s choice of partner to driving ability.

Talking of the latter, yesterday’s Daily Post carries an article which combines skill behind the wheel with the aforementioned opticians, in which the driver ended before the crown court in Abertawe, which some also call Swansea, for an incident which occurred in Castell Nedd (Neath) in November last year.

No further comment is necessary on the headline behind the story. However, your ‘umble scribe is intrigued by the first sentence: “A driver on his way to Specsavers struck two elderly pedestrians with his car while reversing through a pedestrianised shopping area“.

What was the driver doing in a pedestrianised area – where he should not have been – anyway? Exercising his over-developed sense of entitlement. For his lack of care for other road users, the perpetrator ultimately received a 12-month community order, a two-year driving ban and must pass an extended driving test before he can regain his licence.
Deep sea life using robots – exclusive

12/05/2024 Steve WoodsLanguage, Media, Oddities, Social Media, Tech

This blog has often drawn attention to the inability of modern journalists (or should that be media employees? Ed.) to understand ambiguity, i.e. the quality of a statement being open to more than one interpretation, and how to avoid it by using language as a precision, not a blunt instrument.

The example below dates back to 2022, comes from India’s Republic and dives beneath the waves to the bottom of the sea. It arrived in your ‘umble scribe’s social medial timeline late last week, so apologies if you’ve already seen the howler below.

The story was originally published in The Guardian. Republic’s reporter Anwesha Majumdar does not disclose in the rewrite why aquatic life in the deep oceans is using robots.
For UK, see England

04/05/2024 Steve WoodsLanguage, Media, Politics, Social Media

For some in England – an it only obtains in England – happens throughout the whole of the island of Great Britain and the occupied six counties of the Ireland of Ireland that suffers under the monicker of the United Kingdom.

Those in England frequently forget that England isn’t the whole of the UK. It includes Wales, which England first colonised in the late 12th century, Scotland, which has its own system of law and institutions, and the aforementioned occupied six Irish counties, the remnant of yet more colonial activity likewise dating back to the late 12th century.

People in parts of the UK that are not England frequently view England as the most privileged part of the union, particularly when it displays arrogance, exceptionalism and a lack of tact, especially as the union did not come about voluntarily and secession from which may only be put to the vote if Whitehall is feeling generous.

However, arrogance, exceptionalism and a lack of tact does not apply only in the political sphere, but in the reporting of politics by the media.

The following post has appeared on the X/Twitter account of London-based Channel 4 News on 3rd May.

The what decides?

The only local elections taking place in the UK were mostly in England on 2nd May and involved elections for a large number of local authorities, regional mayors and police and crime commissioners.

By virtue of Henry VIII’s 16th century Acts of Union, the only electoral activity anywhere else in the UK involved the election of the four Welsh police and crime commissioners for the four regional Welsh police forces. As regards these Welsh elections, Nation Cymru carries an opinion piece advocating the abolition of commissioners due to the extremely low voter turnout.
The proportion of people on the electoral register who bothered to vote was 19.2% in the Dyfed-Powys police force area, 17.19% in North Wales, 16.58% in South Wales and 15.63% in Gwent.

This hardly the UK really decides, now is it, Channel 4 News?
60 year-old toddler denied vote

03/05/2024 Steve WoodsLanguage, Politics

A polling station in South Oxfordshire had the embarrassing duty of refusing to allow someone with a toddler haircut the opportunity to vote.

The toddler in question was 60 years old and rejoiced in the title and name of disgraced former party-time alleged prime minister Alexander Boris de Pfeffel Johnson.

According to the BBC, former Conservative Prime Minister Boris Johnson was turned away from his local polling station after forgetting to bring acceptable photo ID. However, he returned later with the necessary ID and was able to vote.

The irony of this occurrence is that the production of photo ID to vote was introduced by Johnson’s government in the Elections Act 2022 in a deliberate act to suppress votes for the opposition. How so? there are far more forms of photo ID acceptable as proof of identity that held by older people than those held by younger people. Furthermore, younger people are generally less inclined to vote Conservative.

The justification given at the time for introducing photo ID was to eliminate personation, i.e. assuming the identity of another person with intent to deceive, particularly within the scope of an election. Nevertheless, this is a non-problem in Britain. As Andy Beckett helpfully points out in today’s Guardian: “According to the Electoral Commission, at the last nationwide elections before voter ID was introduced, in 2022, only seven people were accused of the crime that the new system is supposed to end – impersonating another voter at a polling station – and none of these allegations led to police action“.

So why did Johnson turn up at the polling station without valid photo ID? There could be a couple reasons. Firstly, for all his erudition and love of quoting classical mythology and ancient history,Johnson isn’t all that bright. Even when one examines his use of classical references, they too can fall apart under the most cursory examination (posts passim). Could he simply have forgotten the impact of his legislation? Hardly likely, considering how the need to furnish photo ID is printed in bold characters on every poll card. Secondly there’s Johnson’s arrogance and sense of entitlement. He believes rules are for everyone else and don’t apply to patrician types like himself. This was amply demonstrated by the Downing Street Partygate affair during the lockdown for the Covid 19 pandemic.

Finally, the disgraceful Johnson was not the only high-level Tory to be caught out by falling foul of the photo ID requirement.

Step forward Tom Hunt, the Conservative MP for Ipswich. According to The Independent, Mr Hunt asked local members to act as his “emergency proxy” after he found that he had no appropriate ID to vote in the local council elections. The paper goes on to explain that under certain circumstances, where you have an emergency that means you can’t vote in person, you can apply for an emergency proxy. Such emergency proxy applications can be made up to 5pm on polling day. Unlike Johnson, Mr Hunt has been diagnosed with both dyslexia and dyspraxia, which could explain his predicament.
The importance of proofreading

17/04/2024 Steve WoodsLanguage, Oddities, Social Media

Within minutes of each other, two occurrences reminded your ‘umble scribe of the importance of proofreading, i.e. the process of finding and correcting mistakes in text before it is printed out or posted online.

If nothing else, it proves the person or company involves knows what it’s doing and writing, providing evidence of professional competence

The first was spotted on a change machine in Terminal 1 of Manchester Airport in the early hours of this morning.

SPECIMAN? What’s one of those?

According to Wikipedia, a specimen – not SPECIMAN – banknote is printed generally in very limited quantities for distribution to central banks to aid in the recognition of banknotes from a country other than their own. Furthermore, To avoid use of specimen banknotes as legal tender notes, the banknotes are deformed, typically by being overprinted and/or punched (perfin) with an inscription such as “SPECIMEN”, “SPECIMEN NO VALUE”, “CANCELLED” or the equivalent in one or more other languages.

The second turned up a couple of minutes later on your correspondent’s social media feed.

Should those with a poor grasp of English be gaoled?

A reverse image search reveals that the original image first emerged on social media some 4 years ago and originated in the United States. Note that the snack is accurately defined as having caramelized onion relish its long description. Y’all have a good misspelt sandwich now! 😀

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