Oddities

  • Festive digital dyslexia from Reach

    It might be the festive season, but the mission of Reach plc titles all over the country to murder the English language and sow confusion instead of enlightenment continues unabated.

    Christmas Eve saw the publication of the piece shown in the screenshot below where the person responsible for the headline seems oblivious to the fact that there are differences in meaning between chances and changes and doesn’t have the nous to check their copy after drafting

    . Headline reads Rise in fly-tipping in Carmarthenshire feared when recycling chances come in

    I wonder if the ‘journalist‘ responsible will be tucking into roast turnkey this Christmas Day lunchtime. 😀

  • Flurry of investigative journalism from Reach titles

    Reach plc, owners of the Mirror and the Daily Brexit (which some still call the Express. Ed.), also control a large swathe of the local regional press across the English Empire (which some still call the United Kingdom. Ed.).

    One of the accusations frequently levelled against Reach’s regional titles is that the news they carry has been dumbed down, particularly since the ousting of sub-editors who until some years ago provided a modicum of quality control over what was actually printed.

    A further criticism often directed in Reach’s direction is a lack of investigative journalism, i.e. form of journalism in which reporters deeply investigate a single topic of interest, which may involve months or years researching and preparing a report.

    Your ‘umble scribe does not know if months or years of research have gone into preparing the flurry of seasonally inspired investigations that have appeared in various Reach title in the past week, but they do show the great sacrifice that has been made around the country by the waistlines of the reporters involved.

    A small selection of this fearless sleuthing is shown below.

    First up the Bristol (Evening) Post

    Headline reads We Tried Aldi and Lidl's showstopper Christmas sausage rolls

    The budget supermarkets Aldi and Lidl seem to have attracted particular attention, as per this poultry effort from The Daily Post/North Wales Live.

    Headline reads Aldi selling UK's cheapest fresh whole turkeys

    In the south of Cymru, Wales Online, formerly the Western Mail, has opted for a hyper-local approach, focussing its rapier-like skills on Cardiff’s independent retail catering sector. Note the whole story squeezed into the headline, thus saving the reader the bother of engaging with the piece, all apart from the verdict.

    Headline reads I tried the Christmas sandwiches from Cardiff's independent shops to see which really is the best

    Finally in this brief excursion around some of the local titles in the Reach stable, we arrive at the Liverpool Echo, which goes in for a comparison of Marks & Spencer with our old friends Lidl. Note the glaring grammatical error in the headline, as well as the use of the first person singular in the verb conjugations.

    Headline reads I swapped M&S to Lidl for my Christmas food shop and was 'amazed'
  • Digital soup

    On a trip to town in recent days, your ‘umble scribe was intrigued by the digital soup spotted in a shop display window,

    Digital soup maker on display in shop window

    My initial thought was “What is digital soup?

    Is it made of fingers? Or are ones and zeroes involved? Is the digital a defiant gesture to all soup makers marketed before?

    As it turns out, ones and zeroes are indeed involved and the digital part of the apparatus refers to the device’s digital control panel, as depicted below.

    Soup maker digital control panel
  • Ball games signage ‘band’

    Today’s South Wales Argus reports that Caerphilly County Borough Council in South Wales has been grappling with the matter of ballgames[sic], leading to them being “band

    Headline reads Caerphilly council band 'no ballgames here' signs

    After her compulsory period of exile in Homophone Corner, Local Democracy Reporter Rhiannon James (or the Argus’ headline writer, if different. Ed.) also ought to ask bosses for a keyboard with a working space bar and/or a functioning spellchecker. 😀

  • Brides to stay

    Judging by the home page of today’s Reach plc Daily Post/North Wales Live title, one could be led to believe that human trafficking and forced marriage are alive and well in Talybont north of Abermaw/Barmouth in Gwynedd.

    Headline reads Holiday park so popular people have offered brides to stay is named the best in Wales

    However, it is only when one reads the article that it is revealed that brown envelopes of cash have been proffered, not marriageable women.

    The front page has since been amended.

  • A good 404

    Those whose fingers get into a tangle will be familiar with the HTML 404 error code page, just one of a number of HHTP status codes, of which the 400 series deals with client errors.

    A moment’s digital dyslexia this morning meant your ‘umble scribe was treated to Shropshire Council‘s 404 error page, as shown below.

    Shropshire's Council 404 page

    Umbraco is the open source content management system (CMS) used by the council to manage its website.

    Your correspondent particularly likes the final line: “This page is intentionally left ugly ;-)”.

    Computer scientist Brett Victor has an artistic 404 page, which pays homage to surrealist artist René Magritte.

    404 page of a pipe reading this is not a page

    However, my favourite 404 page of all time assumes the persona of Marvin the Paranoid Android from Douglas Adams’ Hithchiker’s Guide to the Galaxy and can be seen here in all its glory.

  • Clowns and palaces, dogs and vomit

    Elizabeth Mary Truss, alleged Prime Minister of the English EmpireYesterday, one Mary Elizabeth Truss, inexplicably elevated to leadership of the Conservative Party by its members, resigned as the Prime Minister of the English Empire (which some still call the United Kingdom. Ed.).

    She was in office for a mere 45 days – the shortest tenure of any UK prime minister. Her nearest rival for that accolade is George Canning, who survived in office for 119 days before dying due to ill health in 1827.

    In her brief period of office, Truss proved just how incompetent and out of her depth she was in Number 10. In just 45 days Truss exhibited amply that she would be out her depth on a damp pavement, even though this was glaringly obvious during her time pretending to be foreign secretary (posts passim).

    In those few weeks, she has managed to do lasting damage, not least with a disastrous mini-budget, featuring included the biggest tax cuts since 1972, funded by a vast expansion in borrowing. This resulted amongst other things in a run on the pound, Bank of England market interventions and a rise in interest rates, particularly for those with mortgages to pay. This mini-budget cooked up by Truss and her then Chancellor of the Exchequer Kwasi Kwarteng; a budget from two passionate advocates of the free market that was roundly rejected by the markets themselves.

    How embarrassing.

    Alexander Boris de Pfeffel Johnson The campaign to replace Truss has now started and, although no-one has yet announced any intentions to stand for the Tory leadership, one possible contender has already been mooted: the disgraced former party-time alleged prime minister, one Alexander Boris de Pfeffel Johnson, a man whose journey to adulthood clearly involved the surgical removal of anything resembling integrity, whilst his narcissism was being force-fed like a goose destined to end up as the raw material for foie gras.

    Johnson’s term of office ended ignominiously with mass resignations – sixty in all – from his administration, during which 10 Downing Street became party central for politicians, civil servants and Conservative party workers during the coronavirus pandemic, the Partygate scandal.

    Johnson is still under investigation for misleading the House of Commons over Partygate. If found guilty, ordinary members of Parliament are suspended from the House, whilst government ministers so found are expected to resign their portfolio.

    Returning to Johnson’s buffoonery, there’s an old Turkish adage which seems eminently pertinent to Johnson, given his Turkish ancestry.

    When a clown moves into a palace, he doesn’t become a sultan. The palace becomes a circus.

    Upon his departure from Downing Street, Johnson memorably compared himself to Lucius Quinctius Cincinnatus*, a 5th century Roman statesman and politician who retired from public life and “returned to his plough”, only to return later to lead as its dictator.

    However, your ‘umble scribe believes that Johnson should forget any allusions to Cincinnatus* if he is seriously contemplating being a candidate to regain the Tory leadership. A more apposite comparison comes from the book of Proverbs in the Old Testament, Proverbs 26:11 to be specific.

    As a dog returneth to his vomit, so a fool returneth to his folly.

    * = Cincinnatus’ second term as dictator lasted a mere 21 days before his resignation. However, even a further 21 days of Johnson would be 21 days too many.

    PS: never trust a man who combs his hair with a balloon! 😀

  • Shropshire Star exclusive: Clun migrates 50 km

    Clun in the far south-west of Shropshire is quite a sleepy place with romantic castle ruins, some fine real ale pubs, a wonderful youth hostel in a former water mill and the Offa’s Dyke Path within staggering distance.

    It is a world away from Telford, the largest urban area within the ceremonial county with a population of 185,600.

    Nevertheless, Friday’s Shropshire Star reported that due to dodgy website tagging and editing, Clun has moved 50km (that’s 30 miles in old money. Ed.) and has now been absorbed into the unitary authority of Telford & Wrekin, as shown by the following screenshot.

    Screenshot of Shropshire Star article placing Clun within Telford

    The reaction of the good burghers of Clun to the news of the town’s eastward migration has not yet been reported. 😀

    However, the fact that the article’s tagging bears no relationship to the copy hints that the tags are edited by a different person to the one writing the actual report.

  • Twins?

    A couple of days ago, your ‘umble scribe escaped his normal stomping ground to visit the local castle in Caldicot (Cil-y-Coed) in Monmouthshire, South Wales, which has existed in some form since about 1100.

    Caldicot Castle entrance

    The tour of the castle and environs was followed by a splendid breakfast at the Aroma Café in the centre of Caldicot.

    Travelling back to Severn Tunnel Junction on the outskirts of Rogiet for the return train entailed joining the Wales Coast Path just past Caldicot railway station, where your correspondent observed the station sign was looking somewhat the worse for wear.

    Caldicot station sign

    Note the heavy peppering by air pistol or shotgun pellets.

    Your ‘umble scribe could not help but be reminded on what seems to be a tradition on Crete of taking potshots at road signs.

    Cretan road sign with ammunition holes
    Image courtesy of Wikimedia Commons

    On Crete there is a tradition of firing off weapons at such celebrations as marriages and the island is also reputed to have the highest level of gun ownership in the entire EU. According to Greek news site Ekathiremini, there are estimated to be between 600,000 and one million illegal firearms on Crete, which has a population (2021 figure) of 617,360.

    Are Cretans carrying on a tradition of their homeland in South Wales or is this local traditional vandalism? Have your say in the comments.

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